There is a saying, that when things are falling apart, they are really falling together. I began my twin flame journey, after things fell apart for me in a major way. The day I met my twin, I pulled a card to show me what would be with this new connection I had made… I pulled the thunderbolt card… and the lovers and the integration card 😉 but that thunderbolt (the tower in traditional tower decks) made me wonder… what was this journey going to be?
When I met my twin, I was just coming out of a crazy year. I met him almost exactly a year after my dad passed away unexpectedly. After his passing, I left my home of 12 years in San Diego – that I had LOVED dearly. I left all my friends, my energy work practice that was growing, my niece and nephew that I had been a nanny for since they were born.. a few other children that I loved and watched occasionally as additional income and because they were like family. I left my boyfriend, ended that relationship… and moved back up to Northern CA to live with my mom. Things had fallen apart to say the least. I spent the next year, cultivating my astrology practice, getting to know myself, spending a lot of time alone remembering who I was.. who I AM… and getting in energetic alignment with what I wanted. I knew that part of the picture was an epic love.
So when I pulled that card upon our meeting, I was like…what now?! Hasn’t there been enough of that tower/thunderbolt energy? Apparently not… Now I wrote about a big portion of my personal thunderbolt experience through this process in my Soul Shock blog which you can read here…
When we met, we compared our personal thunderbolt notes… We had both been through a lot in the year prior… I’ll let him share his story when he’s ready to share that.. But at one point when I was frustrated with my situation with my Mom, and he was encouraging me to get out and come to him, I said something along the lines off, “I will leave… one day… once I get ok being here. Because otherwise I know, I’ll end up in a similar situation of discontent cause that energy is in me, not in the situation.” Here is a quote from Pema Chodron’s book, When Things Fall Apart that delves into that theory.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know …nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. If we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.”
Now many of you on this journey have probably experienced similar energy…. The tower card, the thunderbolt card. Things falling apart. This is an important part of this process. This card is one of the best/hardest cards you can get in a spread. It indicates there will be challenges… and many times, the biggest challenge is within the self. To me, this card represents the toppling of ego. Happy or not, many times we will stay in the discontentment… Not to shift the energy as was my intention in the conversation above, but because we are afraid of the change because the energy mimics something within us. We need these tower moments, to topple the part of the ego that holds onto the toxic, that holds onto the false, the old, the unwilling, the fear of shifting. The biggest changes happen within.
Some of us are addicted to the change and swing from situation to situation and finding ourselves again and again in similar toxic situations. In these cases, we need those thunderbolt energies because once again, the change needs to happen within and the universe will keep providing the opportunities until we dig in.
This journey is one of the most powerful in getting us to face these thunderbolt moments. We are faced with the ecstasy and the agony of this connection… and yet, once again, all contained within. This is necessary. This journey takes us into our authentic wholeness. We have conditioning (which is funny enough the card right before the thunderbolt in the Osho deck) which keeps us stuck in patterns the world has told us are safe. Stuck in looking for love in all the wrong places (outside of ourselves), filling holes and wounds with outside stimulation, and hiding from the energies of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, and unworthiness that we keep hidden away. Sometimes the tower card reminds me of the walls we have built up within through these patterns and blocks coming down.
The thunderbolt brings this stuff up and it’s up to us to face and heal it. Now as an astrologer, I get to see the patterns of how and where this happens in every day astro and in individual charts… We’re in a time of some thunder bolting.. (I pulled that card for tomorrow’s energy as I write this!) and I wanted to write this blog to support any of you that are swimming in this energy.
Don’t let these shake-ups make you give up, but rather allow them to help you dig in. Many will say, well I’ve done this work already.. I hear you… I had done about 12 years of hard work on myself prior to this connection.. and he had done a lot on himself.. It still took us both by surprise and shook up these blocks. Dig in… See those insecurities for what they are. One of the most wonderful things on this journey is that it’s a beautiful mirror for what you need in your life….a return to self. Tune in, dig deeper, love yourself through this. Allow the tower to do it’s best…don’t let your ego stop you. As Lee and Sherry like to say, we are always in a state of healing… there isn’t really a healed point. Abraham says it too, “You’ll never get it done.”…so this will be ongoing.. Even once you come into union with your twin, the work doesn’t stop, the need to focus on yourself.. will not stop. I think many of us need this time apart, to get into the self focus groove.
If things are falling apart for you… Celebrate.. the universe has something amazing planned for you.. but first, it’s helping you get out of your own way. It’s time to make peace with the tower, with the thunderbolt. Tosha Silver reminds us to let what wants to go, go..so that what wants to come in, has room to move in. Leaving you with a quote from the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, “Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game.”
Trust the process… This is not your demise, this is your integration <3