I mentioned some of the trials of this twin flame journey, and soul shock was definitely part of the trials for me.
It was some point in July, I was awoken in the middle of the night, kind of like Miss Clavel in the Madeline books… something wasn’t right. Something was terribly wrong. I didn’t know anything, I just felt a deep sense of dread in my soul.
There was no logical reason. As far as I knew, my twin was enjoying a vacation, chilling. All was well… Except my soul was screaming at me otherwise.
The details don’t really matter, but the soul screaming went from bad to worse over the next 2 months. There was low to no contact with my twin after months of beautiful connection and seeming plans for the future. There was a deep abiding illusion of separation that I connected into. Being part scorpio astro wise, evidence if existing is findable… and there was evidence that something was not right and that separation was the logical conclusion. 😉
Soul Shock, in my experience, is different than dark night of the soul or even astrological Pluto or Saturn transits… intense, but a different animal. Steve Gunn describes soul shock: “‘soul shock.’ When someone you have a deep connection with suddenly pulls away, the dis-connect leaves you feeling as if your soul has left your body, like an empty shell. You just can’t get back to reality and you can feel as if you simply exist. What we’re talking about here is not a conventional emotional relationship. A soul connection is the most powerful soul level connection with someone and when separations like this occur you just can’t “get over it” or “move on” however hard you try. Many people can’t eat sleep or work for a long time, a lot end up on medication and in counseling.”
The soul shock was highly confusing and a mostly physical experience for me, although also metaphysical in how I was processing it. Food was impossible to eat, or to keep down if I managed to eat. Sleep was either light and non-existent or intense and filled with dreams/psychic visions of my twin. I went through a period of about a month, a month and a half, where I couldn’t stop shaking as if I was stuck out in the tundra in only a bathing suit, or a really chilly chihuahua. Now I am someone who knows how to medicate myself with natural foods, herbs, supplements. I have brought my adrenals back completely blown out, so I was treating my nervous system as delicately as I could to feel better. Nothing worked beyond working the past life energies that were screaming at me along with my soul. There are no words to describe the intensity of the physicality of the soul shock experience that I went through….and that some of you may have as well.
The interesting thing was that I couldn’t cry. No tears surfaced despite the intense physical, emotional pain that was moving through me. I couldn’t understand it. My heart felt devastated, and yet it seemed that because I couldn’t understand it, I couldn’t cry. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t hate him, although I wanted to. I couldn’t forget him, although I tried my best. I still could not cry. I wanted to, so I could release and move on, and yet… I couldn’t… not until the dams burst in October. That was the major turning point, when I started my upswing.
I seek to understand what is going on with me, and I sought… I went to psychics, I talked to my friends who are psychics, I perused twin forums, I met someone who became a close friend who popped out of nowhere and became a huge support for me. (side note: I am going to write a blog about the interesting people who tend to pop into our lives to help us on our twin path!!) I pulled cards, I watched youtube videos and I dove DEEP into myself (the number 1 thing you can do). I write this and share this now, because I know my other offerings have been positive… (read those here and here) and that is where I am at now. But I went through this intense journey of soul shock to get here. And through every minute of that soul shock, my goal was to feel better, my goal was to love myself through whatever this was. My mantra always being, “the better it gets, the better it gets.”
I also found myself mostly in hermit mode through this time. I couldn’t handle anything negative said about my twin. Despite the situations going on, if anyone said anything negative about him, it felt like knives in my heart. With my whole being, I wanted to protect him from any negative thought. I didn’t want to be told to move on as that felt equally painful, although at some point I did text my twin asking him just that, should I move on? The only time through this soul shock experience that I felt like me, was when I was doing astro, meeting with clients, or dancing, which I had to force myself to do out of a deep sense of self preservation.
I went to yoga and to dance classes, out of the sense of self preservation and because I could be alone even surrounded by people, I processed. I would have my twin pop up in yoga, talk to me, tell me what was really going on, and remind me that I could trust him and this experience. How could I trust something that was making me feel so bad? How could I trust someone who said they cared and the next moment, seemingly proved otherwise? I think one of the hardest parts of the journey was the battle raging in my mind. I believe my thoughts about what was happening kept me in soul shock a bit longer than I had to be to physically to process the energies. I should also mention that despite the dreams, confirmations, and visions I was having, I was also in deep twin flame denial. This was not my twin. My twin wouldn’t do this to me…. and that too, kept me spinning through my soul shock.
But from this other side of the soul shock journey, there is realization of how much healing went on from encountering these depths. That abandonment, the betrayal, the fears realized were all in me, all in my vibration. Part of the soul shock was the tidal wave of these vibrations I’ve been carrying around through lifetimes, through ancestral energies, into this life, coming into fruition all at once.
We can stand around and blame the other for hurting us, but the truth is that hurt already existed deeply within. On a soul level, the greatest act of compassion was bringing this energy to my attention, even if it hurt like hell.
If you are in the midst of soul shock, no matter what kind of situation brought it about for you, it is a call for deep self love. Chances are, blaming your love, your twin, won’t make you feel better… in my case, it was the work on me that made me feel better. Taking response ability and loving yourself through it, whatever that means for you, will help you move through this… with as much grace as possible.
I encourage you to reach out to someone who has been through this if you are in this space. To remind you that they made it through, and that you too, are strong enough to make it through and filled with enough love and light to guide your way through.
Below I am including websites to some of the people who helped me the most through this energy! I am lucky to be surrounded by GREAT healers and people who have been on this journey. I am also someone who can help you, my modality mostly being through astrology and my intuition, but I am finding the deeper I go on this path, the more I am opening to feeling and understanding this connection <3
With great love
Alexandra: She does SRT a kind of clearing… she was an angel that came out of nowhere for me on this journey and has become a trusted friend
Maya: I will tell a story one day of how she was a part of my journey even before I realized I was on a twin flame journey! Maya is a twin in Union and carries so much light in helping you get into union, as well as a gifted psychic!
Watching Lee and Sherry on youtube and then working with them has been so helpful too! They documented their whole twin saga! They did major work to get to union